Zio Antonio Uccisella...One of lifes little legends

Antonio, aka Uncle Tony, was truly one of the worlds special people.  Small in stature but by no means small in spirit or love, Uncle Tony was a man of many things.

Uncle Tony was character, he loved a joke, was always making people laugh, and his eyes would light up when he told a story, even if no one was listening.  His enthusiasm for imparting details of his time in Italy and Australia was captivating, although in the last couple of years with his failing memory we don't know which part of the stories were truth or imagination. He was a cheeky man with an unmistakable twinkle in his eyes.  He had a big heart, which was filled with love for his family but ever so evidently, for his wife, Maria. 

The love story was one that could be the base for a Nicholas Sparks novel.  Boy migrates to a new country at the tender age of 17, a girl from back home was bought up in conversation.  Although back home girl was with another boy that relationship was ending so boy writes to girl, girl writes back, and so the story begins. Back and forth the letters continue until boy asks girl to come to Australia, and she does.  The rest is history.

Maria and Tony didn't have an easy life but they had a life filled with love and commitment to each other.  A truly remarkable notion which in today's society seems to be unimaginable.  Marriage was a choice and one which was for life, a life which for Tony and Maria was a beautiful 62 years. 

What I will miss about my Zio Tony is his laugh, his jokes, his gentle nature and the joy evident in his eyes when his family were around him.  What gives me comfort with his passing from this world, is he is in heaven with my Nonno.  They were the greatest of friends in life and are now together again in death.  They will be up there today, watching over us as we farewell Zio Tony and remember him with the utmost fondness and love.  

Zio Tony, we vow to take care of Aunty Maria, to help her remember you and the love you both shared.  Today will be hard for her but we will be strong together, we will feel your presence with us in the church as we will say our final goodbyes to you, you are truly one of the greats.

Love always Zio Tony, miss you already xx

Progress.

With everything that's happened in the last month - and to be completely honest it's been a totally shit month for various reasons - it's amazing how now, with just a small amount of time having passed, I feel completely different to how I did those long four weeks ago.  

I still miss my ex partner, it will take a lot of time to pass to get used to being on my own again (the contact with someone is what I miss the most), but I feel confident that the future will bring the right person my way, when I am ready for it.  I have hope that I will find someone that shares and reciprocates love and is as enthusiastic as I am to build a future and family together.

My self-esteem in who I am has copped a beating and though I am still struggling with negativity in some aspects of myself I know that, with work, I can let comments people make about me wash over me like they used to.  I used to be so confident in who I was, assured and accepting of the person I'd grown into, however, recently I've let it be torn down and that takes time to rebuild.  I'm often told I'm weird, I used to not care and I embraced it but lately these comments are taking their toll.  Maybe I'm being silly are caring too much what others think, and maybe because what I used to be so sure of has proven to be the complete opposite and now I'm doubting everything I'm involved in, including myself.

When I look back over the years it's amazing to see how much change has happened.  I've certainly had many rises and falls career wise, ups and downs personally and have made and lost some friendships.  I guess looking back is a requirement in order to move forward and embrace new directions and paths presented to you.  I've always loved this quote;

 

this has never been more true in many occasions over the last couple of years.  It reminds us to have courage, to put ourselves first and remain true to your passion whether it be your relationship, career or friendships.  I believe that people and certain situations are put in front of us so we can learn valuable lessons necessary to help grow us individually.  These circumstances won't always present people and situations that will always be in our life, but they will teach us something about ourselves nonetheless. 

Basically, the last few weeks have been a steady road to progress and moving on.  About re-evaluating my options and planning for the immediate future to be ok with being on my own again.  First on the agenda is finding my own palace, a space to call my own.  I really miss my old granny flat I was living in before I moved in with my ex.  It felt completely me, it was a mish mash of furniture but it somehow reflected my personality and it felt like home.  I hadn't had that feeling since my childhood, I miss it greatly.

I'm writing again, which is awesome.  Sorry if my topics get boring but they are therapy and as stated, I'm trying not to let your opinions bother me. I'm doing it for me and me alone.  

I'm able to focus on work, and it's finally starting to allow me to gather some momentum.  I've always been a people person, I usually find out too much information which people seem to freely give, but it has always enabled me to form a bond quite quickly.  I enjoy that this has translated into my new Real Estate career and I feel it is my competitive edge.  

I'm cherishing my family.  Family is everything to me, they are always there when I need, and after the loss of my Great Uncle this week, they have never been more important in my life.

I encourage you to reflect on the years passed and to acknowledge the ups and downs you have been through.  I assure you it will help define what and who really matters to you.  It will provide you with encouragement; encouragement in the fact that even if you aren't where you thought you would be, you are on the right path to achieving your goal, whatever it may be.  Baby steps, small wins and minute milestones are all worth celebrating.  Progress - it's a wonderful thing.

It's been way too long between drinks Blog!!

Hello bloggersphere!  Oh my lordy hasn't it been a while?  I guess the reason I really started this blog was as a form of therapy - the need to write comes when I need to deal with major shit. And that time is now.

You'll notice a blaringly obvious theme in my previous posts - they were written at a time when I was single, and had been for about three years.  I learned a lot about myself in those three years, but probably in the past year and a half, whilst being in a relationship, I have learned the most.  

Whilst being in the most defining romantic relationship of my life so far, one I thought would end in marriage, I've realised many truths about myself.  I am by no means perfect, I have some trust issues thanks to some asshole exes which I still haven't dealt with; I put others needs before myself always to my detriment; and I still - at 30 - lose myself in a relationship to the other person.  I stop doing what makes me happy in order to make them happy.  I thought I'd stopped that shit after the last one!

I always thought that you can't help who you fall in love with - but you do make a choice to make it work, to learn about each other, to choose to make the other person happy and to compromise. Without both parties making that choice it's not worth the heartache in the end.  No matter how much effort I put in and persistent I be to make it work because I know it can, if they don't see the potential in the relationship, it won't work out.  Love can't be a one sided affair. 

I haven't completely lost faith that in time, I'll meet someone who reciprocates what I give out, but from now one I will approach things differently.  I will not put their needs before my own, it will be a balance.  I will not accept being treated as insignificant and ordinary.  I will not accept being treated anything but an equal and of worth.  I will continue to do activities and wear what I like even if they don't like it.

More than anything I am disappointed in myself that I became so enamored by someone that it changed me.  For now though, starting over in new surroundings, finding my feet on my own again and devoting myself to work will get me through the quite times when thoughts will inevitably wander to times of the past.  I've just got to remind myself to remember the good times, there were happy moments shared, but don't forget the bad.  Have no regrets and take on board the lessons learned. 

After the end of something significant I guess it's time to reflect and spend time by yourself assessing where to next. Back to writing (a hobby I love), listening to corny music loudly and eating whatever I like. Bring on the wine, bring on the cheese and most importantly, continue the adventures I had planned, they will bring perspective and I will be able to say I did it on my own :)  Love opened me up to many new adventures, happy times and also heartbreak.  An unavoidable unfortunately, but in the end, will only make one stronger and tougher.