Finding your passion

So I'm watching Julie & Julia, I've always wanted to watch this movie both for the story line & the fact that I love Amy Adams as an actress, but it's got me thinking & reflecting on my life (never a good thing might I add).  How do we find that one thing we are truly passionate about?  Both Julie & Julia loved cooking.  Their love & deep desire for food & cooking enriched & transformed their lives into something greater. 

There are many things I enjoy at the moment; coffee, cafe & wine culture, writing, interior decorating (if only I had a house).  Out of all those things I enjoy, the coffee, cafe & wine culture is the one I so wish I had the courage to turn into something more than a whimsical notion & hope for the future.  I admire anyone who has the self-belief & fearlessness to take a leap of faith toward making their dreams a reality. 

I think your true passions become evident when you spend time on your own.  There is something to be said for prolonged periods of singledom.  Whilst more often I find myself getting lonely & envious of the closeness couples share, I am grateful for being able to grow on my own & to accept the person I am.  It is much easier when you're young to be the person you think others will accept, but growing into the real you & not caring what others think of you is truly a gift.  

Understanding yourself & knowing what makes you happy leads you to the passions which guide & fulfill your life.  I know that may sound a bit cheesy & after-school special like, but that's what I believe. 

Anyway, back to the Julie & Julia thing.  Allowing yourself to embrace something that makes you unbelievably happy takes courage.  I hope that one day I find the courage within myself to turn my coffee & wine passion into a successful business.  The biggest obstacle I face is myself.  Finding that extra bit of confidence to take the leap of faith in my abilities is what I am going to work on.  

At least there is one thing I am sure about.  When I find that person that makes me happy, I know I am content within myself just the way I am & that the person won't complete me, but rather compliment me. 

Good luck on your journey to find your passion, let me know how it goes.

Take care,

Angelina xx

The Optimism Before The Fall....

Dating is hard these days, just ask any single person, well obviously they're single or else they wouldn't be dating would they? Der.  Every now and then you meet someone that sparks an interest but most of the time, if you have standards, a potential new love is few and far between.  

I am hopeless at picking men.  I am great at picking the wrong one, but I suck at picking right ones.  I have the characteristics of my ideal partner in my head (and framed in my room, a suggestion by another smart friend as it aided in her finding her fiance) but when it comes to the men I usually go for, they rarely possess these characteristics.  Clearly old habits are hard to break.

Recently, very recently, a dear, smart, wise and devilishly sexy (did you like the flattery there) friend took it upon herself to play matchmaker.  My friend and The Man both live in Darwin, I live in Toowoomba, so her matchmaking efforts are ambitious to say the least.  However, after a week of daily texting (all very modern) with the victim lovely man, I am pleasantly surprised at the accuracy of my friends fix up.  The Man and I share similar interests, even down to obsessive cleanliness and interior design (he's not gay, just stating before anyone makes that comment), we are both family orientated, of European heritage and look forward to traveling with a partner in the future. More importantly, he is polite, remembers things I have said and is inquisitive about me and my life.  I am usually attracted to men who have a little bit of arrogance about them, but as time goes by this arrogance usually ends up just being selfish wanker tendencies.  The men usually end up being more like overgrown boys, more concerned with beer and their mates rather than being a gentleman and actually growing up.  Immaturity and selfishness to me is a turnoff, makes me want to shout 'grow up!'.

Whilst physical distance can be hard on a relationship once it gets going, I think there is something to be said for assisting one to grow during the early stages of getting to know each other.  The distance ensures no one gets sidetracked by the possibility of nakedness and conversation to find out what makes the other person who the are becomes the primary focus.  I have found out more about The Man in 5 short days than what I have in many short term relationships in the past.  Nakedness puts a hold on a further exploration of the real person, suddenly time together is distracted by physical closeness rather than working on an emotional closeness.

Fingers crossed I haven't jinxed myself now and the getting to know each continues.

Take care,

Angelina x

Marriage Made In Heaven

From the moment little girls can dream, we are shown images of life as a grown up.  Notably one aspect of life is at the forefront, picture the white wedding, the princess like dress, the flowers, the cake, the dream boat husband...the list goes on.  From such an early age the seed of the ultimate fairytale marriage is planted. 

As we grow from toddler to teenager to self assured twenty-something, we are on the look out for the man to play our partner in this fairytale life we have been told about in so many deluded story books.  We hope he has all the characteristics of prince charming; tall, dark, handsome, strong, basically the hero to protect and save us from the evils the world will throw at us.  He will battle dragons, thrash through forests, climb tall buildings in a single bound (oh wait that's Superman), to rescue us from the baddie.

However, as we age and experience more than one Mr Wrong, what is neglected from our education on marriage is how difficult at times it will be.  I am by no means even an iota close to being married, may have to find the boyfriend first, but I have many friends who are.  The gift they have given me is insight into the process of planning the wedding, the strain it can put on the relationship, and the hiccups which can be expected after the shine of the wedding day is gone.

What I have learned is the importance of discussing all aspects of married life and especially the life ahead of you both as a partnership.  A life which will be built by both of you.  Often trivial details take precedence such as what colour the bridesmaids will wear, or will the best men wear suits, and the important issues, such as how will we parent our children, household responsibilities and many more, take a back seat.

I think there needs to be a reform in the way we teach our little girls about marriage.  We need to focus less on the fairytale trivial aspects, and teach our girls (and boys) the importance of being a great partner.  We need to stress to our children the importance of focusing on the qualities needed in ourselves first, and then the partner we choose, to ensure a marriage is successful.  After all, when the dress is back in its box, the photo album takes its rightful place on the coffee table, and friends and family move onto the next wedding, what you are left with is the day to day life with your partner.  Suddenly, 50+ years seems more important than 8 hours of festivities in a pretty dress.  

Recently I have learned of the difficulty a close friend is experiencing in her marriage.  Her husband has changed since the wedding and she is puzzled.  She is unhappy, often in tears and her husband is more preoccupied with his interests than devoting his attention to his wife.  Obviously I am unaware of his side of the story, but surely seeing your wife, someone who you promised to love and to cherish from this day forward, is visibly crying and telling you they are unhappy you would want to find out what is wrong? Am I wrong in thinking that this would be a priority?

I can't comprehend how anyone, married or not, is able to dismiss the feelings of another person.  I am genuinely worried about my friend.  She has tried to talk to her husband but he seems to not want to hear her.  I feel like paying said husband a visit and throttling him.  Once the ring is on the finger doesn't mean one can take a back seat and take advantage of their partner.  Neither partner should become a slave to the other, nor hold the other to ransom emotionally making them feel worthless or deserving of anything less than best in the world.  My friend is one of the most caring, thoughtful and giving people I know.  She always puts others before herself and she deserves the BEST life can offer.  It makes me very upset to think that someone who is meant to love her unconditionally and promised to love her forever has such disregard for her happiness. 

Love is meant to conquer all, but what happens when one person in the relationship refuses to listen to the other?  Do you stay in a one sided relationship being the only one trying to fix a problem which your partner is ignoring, or do you call it quits?  I have always believed that divorce is too easy an option these days, but if your marriage makes you desperately unhappy and you have tried everything to fix it, maybe it is the only option that makes sense.

When the time comes and I find my Mr Right, one thing is for sure, I will work on the marriage, not the wedding prior to the big day of declaration.  I have learned that communication, understanding and compassion will be high on my list of priorities to make our marriage work long after the cake has been consumed and the honeymoon is over.

Take care,

Angelina x

Internet Dating.

Friends, I have something embarrassing to admit.  I joined eHarmony a couple of days ago.  My Mum keeps seeing the advertisements on TV and each time suggests I give it a go. She's at the age where she wants grandchildren so I see where she's coming from since I'm taking my sweet arse time finding The One.  

I've always given into the stigma surrounding internet dating, I thought it was weird and would be embarrassed to explain to people how I met someone should it ever happen.  I have friends that have tried the internet dating thing, it's worked for some, not for others.  I understand that for some people who have a busy work life, or single parents who are unable to go out due to their family circumstance, it would be a relatively easy and welcomed avenue to meet a partner.  

For me, boy was it an eye opener and I haven't even physically met anyone yet!  I figured potential matches would be just like me. Normal. Not all of them screamed crazy, but most of them came across a bit iffy from their profile.  Desperate is not the correct descriptive, but it was clear they had come out of a long relationship and basically were looking for a replacement girlfriend asap.  

Also, is it shallow to disregard matches due to the fact that you simply couldn't be physically attracted to them?  Attraction to me, is a large part of a successful long term relationship, and unfortunately none of these matches from either appearance or what they wrote sparked an iota of interest.   

Basically, I've given it four days and I'm canceling my subscription.  I'd prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way, drunk at a pub.  I'm hilarious when I've a bit of dutch courage in me.  Now I just need to get off the couch and actually go out once in a while.  Meh, maybe I'll stalk someone I fancy, that's also worked for a couple of friends!

A wise new friend suggested I write down all the traits and characteristics I would like The One to possess and keep it handy, it worked for her and she's now engaged.  Today's task, start that list, may need to go get ink for the printer, it could be a long one!

Angelina x

image courtesy of www.cartoonstock.com

Here's Looking At You, 2012!

Ahhhhh, the start of a brand new year.  New year's day brings promise of new beginnings, optimism and hope for a productive and successful 12 months ahead.  My favourite part of a new year is the mass declaration of resolutions and goals for the year ahead, many of which after a month we've given up on cause we have put them in one of two boxes, either the 'too hard' or the 'I can't be arsed' one.

This year I haven't made the rookie mistake of concreting my resolutions via Facebook declaration or even putting them on paper and framing them.  This year they have stayed in my head, until now, where they will end up here for scrutiny or it's fanciful brother, ridicule.

This year I am going to recycle two of last year's resolutions, and throw in a third brand spanking new one.  So kids, brace yourselves and get back from the edge of your seat cause honestly, they really aren't that exciting.

Angelina's hopes & dreams for 2012......

* Finish uni  -  this was meant to happen in 2011 but honestly, I gave up and couldn't give a crap. However, I must finish it by 2012 or else they'll kick me out so yes, I will achieve this goal.

* Get fit  -  notice I said 'get fit', not lose weight.  If I lose weight that will be a bonus, but given I love food, actually not just love it's more like adore, honour, and obey it's every calling, this losing weight business is a useless plight.  Therefore, getting fit is my main goal.

And lucky last,

*  Push myself outside my comfort zone  -  this means saying yes to things I would normally say no to in an instant.  This year I want to try new things and experiences and stop playing it safe.

There you go, my hopes, dreams and resolutions for 2012.  If you want to be friends with scrutiny and it's brother ridicule, please leave me out of it.  I don't want to know your opinion because I don't really feel like being accountable to you for following through on the above.

They say what you do on New Year's day is what you will be doing for the rest of the year, given that most people are hungover on New Year's day that's an accurate prediction for the year to come.

Here's what I did on New Year's day, which if it continued for the next 354 days you'd hear no complaints from me.

 * (Top Left - Right) Couch time with Maxxis, Coffee on the deck (Bottom Left - Right) Adriano Zumbo (on DVD or in person, either one), Sex and The City relaxation and couch time


I wish everyone a happy and prosperous 2012.  What are your resolutions for the coming year?


Take care,
Angelina x
 

Booty calls, the demise of relationships

The "booty call" (if I was saying this, yes I would make "  " bunny ears with both my fingers) and casual sex.  I blame them for the death of dating.  Over the years, like many of you, I have been in one or two of these (and I use the term loosely) relationships.  Whilst at the time they may seem fun, a little bit naughty and if you keep it underwraps, the sneaking around is indeed a thrill, ultimately as the woman when the rendezvous is over you end up feeling used and no better than an unpaid hooker.  

If what you are really seeking out of the affair is something other than a bit of fun here and there, there is no point trying to trick yourself into thinking you can handle it.  The allure and charisma these men tend to possess in spades, is often extremely hard to resist.  However, if you can't accept that the extent of the relationship will only be an hour or two under the guise of darkness and usually after a night at the pub, then back away carefully with your dignity, and clothes, intact.  

There will be no handholding, cuddling, meaningful 'how are you' text messages between rendezvous' in this relationship.  Kiss goodbye presents on your birthday, someone to listen to your daily dramas and a couch partner to watch movies with when you're bored.  What you can get used to is a drunken call when he is (I hate this word) randy, or worse when there was no-one better at the bar to pick up (hello to being second choice on the card for you!).

Basically, I'm saying a big NO to these types of modern relationships no matter how devilishly sexy, charismatic or alluring the man.  They screw with your head, make you feel awful about yourself and apart from the physical enjoyment, they provide nothing else of substance.  Even if Ryan Reynolds, Gerard Butler or Josh Duhamel offered themselves on a silver platter for one night only, I'd have to say no.

I'm not proud of my behaviour in the past when being under the influence of a hottie but I made a pact to myself after the last casual tryst that it wouldn't be happening anymore.  I want to put my energy into a relationship of substance, not one that will be over in an hour until my 'services' are next required.

What's your opinion on the downward spiral of modern day dating and the abundant use of the 'booty call' button?

http://www.exerciseandmind.com/content/booty-call-what-does-it-require

Best of luck resolving your modern day dating dilemmas,
Angelina x

A Letter To My Younger Self

Being a lover of blogs (religiously following 56 at the moment, maybe 57 by the end of the day), I've noticed a couple of bloggers writing letters to their younger selves.  I've thought this was a great idea for a while, so basically I'm jumping on the bandwagon, no original thought or creativity in coming up with the topic whatsoever.

I guess it's a lighthearted way of reflecting on your life so far, the lessons learned which are only possible from experience.  So here goes! And yes I know grammatically I shouldn't start a sentence with 'so', but it's my blog and I'm going against proper English and doing it, so all you spelling and grammar checkers out there can have your pink fit and get over it.

Dear pre-27 year old Angela:

There are a few things you should know as you navigate your way through your teens and early twenties.  These things will help you understand people and yourself a bit better, saving you from some angst and hours of puzzling thought.  You should know that some people are, excuse the French, arseholes.  No matter what you do for them they will never be appreciative or decent enough to return the favour.  No matter what you do to try and make these people like you, they never will and you should write them off now, they're not worth the headspace or your time.

You have a fantastic Mum and Dad, possibly the best in the world.  Treasure them and respect them and their house.  When you turn 21 and become an ungrateful and rude bitch girl, remember all they have done and given up for you so that you can have the best of everything.  Don't treat them like unpaid servants or an ATM.  Don't make them feel like you don't appreciate them. Help Mum clean the house and cook meals for the family.  

Show Mum that you love her, do things around the house to help ease her workload and stress levels.  You won't know it at the time but she is going through a difficult patch and is feeling left out.  Helping her out and not disrespecting her will make all the difference.  Just know that being the way you will be at this age (rude, ungrateful, nasty, disrespectful) will nearly destroy your relationship with your Mum and will take at least 6 months or more to repair.  You won't know it at the time, but in the next 6+ years, your Mum will be your rock.  She will know what's best for you before you do and is one of only a very small group of people who will love you unconditionally.  She will support you giving up uni for a bit to work and figure out what you want to do career wise and even though you think otherwise, she is proud of you and your achievements.  

You know that Dad is basically a male version of you.  He likes to act the fool just to make people laugh.  He has the same sick sense of humour.  He's quite an emotional person and like you, has to talk things through in order to come to a decision.  Remember these traits and let him be him.  Try not to get short tempered or shitty with him when he's being a knob, just let him be and occasionally laugh at his jokes, no matter how bad they are, it makes him feel good. 

Limit the amount of chick flicks you watch.  Ultimately, they will delude your perception of relationships with men and only get your hopes up.  In reality, you know, that place you don't like to live in, nothing you see on these movies and tv shows actually happens.  Understand this now.  In real life, men don't think like the script writers make them out to. Unfortunately, you'll get to 27 and still not have experienced romance but always hold on to the hope, never become cynical.  You'll always be a true romantic, that's why you watch the crappy immensely entertaining movies and have a fascination with Sex & The City.  You will one day find your Mr Big (hopefully in more ways than one...naughty, get your mind out of the gutter pre-27 year old Angela).

When you move to the Gold Coast to study after Year 12, don't become distracted by the nightlife and earning money.  Whilst working is enjoyable and you will meet people  who have gotten to high levels of the hotel industry by not obtaining a degree, don't lose sight of your original end goal to be a General Manager of a boutique hotel.  If you continue to tell yourself you don't need to study to get there, you will move back home, flunk a shit load of uni, have thousands of failed units to pay back on HECS and take 9 YEARS to finish a degree in a field you don't want to work in.  Giving up study at Griffith, in a course you LOVE, moving back to Toowoomba to study HR, a degree you will only do because Hotel Management isn't offered, will be the biggest mistake of your life thus far.  When you leave Griffith, you will become lost, unfocused and the hotel industry in Toowoomba will not give you the opportunity to indulge your dream job.

You will constantly have to work on staying motivated to achieve the things you want.  You will struggle with this most of your 20's and be one of those people who has motivational sayings in your room and around you so don't laugh at the people who do that as later on, you will be one of them.

You know you love working, but continue to strive for your goals outside of work, don't become complacent.  To be great requires taking risks.  Don't be too scared to take risks, you will always have a safe place to land if it all goes pear-shaped.  Your Mum and Dad will always be there to come home to if it doesn't go according to plan.  You will try working in other industries, but hospitality will remain your passion.  When people say 'is that all you want to do', don't let it bother you.  Those in the industry know it is a worthwhile career and you will prove to yourself that you have the passion to truly love what you do. 

You will meet 'friends' throughout the years who won't be friends at all.  They will use you and make you feel bad about yourself.  Learn how to spot these kinds of people early on and put them in the 'people I don't need to know' basket.  You will be lucky enough to have a handful of close friends who, should you need them will be there in a heartbeat.  These are the friendships you should put your time and energy into cultivating.  These friendships become evident in your mid 20's.  They are the people who, no matter how long it is between catch-ups your relationship stays the same, it's not awkward or forced conversation, it's like no time has passed between chats.  They are the people who listen to your heartbreaks, career crises, family dramas and provide encouragement, a shoulder to cry on and supply the wine when you need to vent.  Truly enjoy the moments spent with housemates, cooking, eating and drinking wine in the kitchen.  These are some of the fondest memories you will have of house-sharing.  You will reflect on these memories all the time, they will warm your heart and lift your spirits.  You will love these friends with all your heart and see yourself being friends with them until your boobs are down to your ankles.  Along with your family, treasure these people.

Discover the joys of Melbourne earlier than 23.  You will love this city and the culture it boasts.  It will stoke your passion for hospitality, give you a dream of a life to work toward, and basically renew your spirit.  Try and visit this city as much as your funds will allow and save your pennies to be able to live there when the need takes hold.

Don't EVER sign up for a credit card.  BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER! You will get yourself in to debt and take years, yes years, to pay it back.  You have no self-control, especially when it comes to money and a credit card is a TERRIBLE idea, no matter how good it will seem at the time.

Younger Angela, you will go through a lot of soul searching and make a giant fool of yourself in the coming years.  You will not be alone as others will also be doing the same as they figure themselves out.  Enjoy these years however, as you can get away with it because you are young.  You will still not have it all figured out by your late twenties but you will begin to understand that becoming who you will be is an ongoing process.  

Lastly, I want you to know two things: that you’re responsible for your own happiness, and that the things you think are earth shatteringly important usually aren’t.  The best and most important moments are those that happen on the sidelines, on the fuzzy edges of everything else.

Much love, 

The 27 year old version of yourself xx