Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Booty calls, the demise of relationships

The "booty call" (if I was saying this, yes I would make "  " bunny ears with both my fingers) and casual sex.  I blame them for the death of dating.  Over the years, like many of you, I have been in one or two of these (and I use the term loosely) relationships.  Whilst at the time they may seem fun, a little bit naughty and if you keep it underwraps, the sneaking around is indeed a thrill, ultimately as the woman when the rendezvous is over you end up feeling used and no better than an unpaid hooker.  

If what you are really seeking out of the affair is something other than a bit of fun here and there, there is no point trying to trick yourself into thinking you can handle it.  The allure and charisma these men tend to possess in spades, is often extremely hard to resist.  However, if you can't accept that the extent of the relationship will only be an hour or two under the guise of darkness and usually after a night at the pub, then back away carefully with your dignity, and clothes, intact.  

There will be no handholding, cuddling, meaningful 'how are you' text messages between rendezvous' in this relationship.  Kiss goodbye presents on your birthday, someone to listen to your daily dramas and a couch partner to watch movies with when you're bored.  What you can get used to is a drunken call when he is (I hate this word) randy, or worse when there was no-one better at the bar to pick up (hello to being second choice on the card for you!).

Basically, I'm saying a big NO to these types of modern relationships no matter how devilishly sexy, charismatic or alluring the man.  They screw with your head, make you feel awful about yourself and apart from the physical enjoyment, they provide nothing else of substance.  Even if Ryan Reynolds, Gerard Butler or Josh Duhamel offered themselves on a silver platter for one night only, I'd have to say no.

I'm not proud of my behaviour in the past when being under the influence of a hottie but I made a pact to myself after the last casual tryst that it wouldn't be happening anymore.  I want to put my energy into a relationship of substance, not one that will be over in an hour until my 'services' are next required.

What's your opinion on the downward spiral of modern day dating and the abundant use of the 'booty call' button?


Best of luck resolving your modern day dating dilemmas,
Angelina x

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

A Letter To My Younger Self

Being a lover of blogs (religiously following 56 at the moment, maybe 57 by the end of the day), I've noticed a couple of bloggers writing letters to their younger selves.  I've thought this was a great idea for a while, so basically I'm jumping on the bandwagon, no original thought or creativity in coming up with the topic whatsoever.

I guess it's a lighthearted way of reflecting on your life so far, the lessons learned which are only possible from experience.  So here goes! And yes I know grammatically I shouldn't start a sentence with 'so', but it's my blog and I'm going against proper English and doing it, so all you spelling and grammar checkers out there can have your pink fit and get over it.

Dear pre-27 year old Angela:

There are a few things you should know as you navigate your way through your teens and early twenties.  These things will help you understand people and yourself a bit better, saving you from some angst and hours of puzzling thought.  You should know that some people are, excuse the French, arseholes.  No matter what you do for them they will never be appreciative or decent enough to return the favour.  No matter what you do to try and make these people like you, they never will and you should write them off now, they're not worth the headspace or your time.

You have a fantastic Mum and Dad, possibly the best in the world.  Treasure them and respect them and their house.  When you turn 21 and become an ungrateful and rude bitch girl, remember all they have done and given up for you so that you can have the best of everything.  Don't treat them like unpaid servants or an ATM.  Don't make them feel like you don't appreciate them. Help Mum clean the house and cook meals for the family.  

Show Mum that you love her, do things around the house to help ease her workload and stress levels.  You won't know it at the time but she is going through a difficult patch and is feeling left out.  Helping her out and not disrespecting her will make all the difference.  Just know that being the way you will be at this age (rude, ungrateful, nasty, disrespectful) will nearly destroy your relationship with your Mum and will take at least 6 months or more to repair.  You won't know it at the time, but in the next 6+ years, your Mum will be your rock.  She will know what's best for you before you do and is one of only a very small group of people who will love you unconditionally.  She will support you giving up uni for a bit to work and figure out what you want to do career wise and even though you think otherwise, she is proud of you and your achievements.  

You know that Dad is basically a male version of you.  He likes to act the fool just to make people laugh.  He has the same sick sense of humour.  He's quite an emotional person and like you, has to talk things through in order to come to a decision.  Remember these traits and let him be him.  Try not to get short tempered or shitty with him when he's being a knob, just let him be and occasionally laugh at his jokes, no matter how bad they are, it makes him feel good. 

Limit the amount of chick flicks you watch.  Ultimately, they will delude your perception of relationships with men and only get your hopes up.  In reality, you know, that place you don't like to live in, nothing you see on these movies and tv shows actually happens.  Understand this now.  In real life, men don't think like the script writers make them out to. Unfortunately, you'll get to 27 and still not have experienced romance but always hold on to the hope, never become cynical.  You'll always be a true romantic, that's why you watch the crappy immensely entertaining movies and have a fascination with Sex & The City.  You will one day find your Mr Big (hopefully in more ways than one...naughty, get your mind out of the gutter pre-27 year old Angela).

When you move to the Gold Coast to study after Year 12, don't become distracted by the nightlife and earning money.  Whilst working is enjoyable and you will meet people  who have gotten to high levels of the hotel industry by not obtaining a degree, don't lose sight of your original end goal to be a General Manager of a boutique hotel.  If you continue to tell yourself you don't need to study to get there, you will move back home, flunk a shit load of uni, have thousands of failed units to pay back on HECS and take 9 YEARS to finish a degree in a field you don't want to work in.  Giving up study at Griffith, in a course you LOVE, moving back to Toowoomba to study HR, a degree you will only do because Hotel Management isn't offered, will be the biggest mistake of your life thus far.  When you leave Griffith, you will become lost, unfocused and the hotel industry in Toowoomba will not give you the opportunity to indulge your dream job.

You will constantly have to work on staying motivated to achieve the things you want.  You will struggle with this most of your 20's and be one of those people who has motivational sayings in your room and around you so don't laugh at the people who do that as later on, you will be one of them.

You know you love working, but continue to strive for your goals outside of work, don't become complacent.  To be great requires taking risks.  Don't be too scared to take risks, you will always have a safe place to land if it all goes pear-shaped.  Your Mum and Dad will always be there to come home to if it doesn't go according to plan.  You will try working in other industries, but hospitality will remain your passion.  When people say 'is that all you want to do', don't let it bother you.  Those in the industry know it is a worthwhile career and you will prove to yourself that you have the passion to truly love what you do. 

You will meet 'friends' throughout the years who won't be friends at all.  They will use you and make you feel bad about yourself.  Learn how to spot these kinds of people early on and put them in the 'people I don't need to know' basket.  You will be lucky enough to have a handful of close friends who, should you need them will be there in a heartbeat.  These are the friendships you should put your time and energy into cultivating.  These friendships become evident in your mid 20's.  They are the people who, no matter how long it is between catch-ups your relationship stays the same, it's not awkward or forced conversation, it's like no time has passed between chats.  They are the people who listen to your heartbreaks, career crises, family dramas and provide encouragement, a shoulder to cry on and supply the wine when you need to vent.  Truly enjoy the moments spent with housemates, cooking, eating and drinking wine in the kitchen.  These are some of the fondest memories you will have of house-sharing.  You will reflect on these memories all the time, they will warm your heart and lift your spirits.  You will love these friends with all your heart and see yourself being friends with them until your boobs are down to your ankles.  Along with your family, treasure these people.

Discover the joys of Melbourne earlier than 23.  You will love this city and the culture it boasts.  It will stoke your passion for hospitality, give you a dream of a life to work toward, and basically renew your spirit.  Try and visit this city as much as your funds will allow and save your pennies to be able to live there when the need takes hold.

Don't EVER sign up for a credit card.  BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER! You will get yourself in to debt and take years, yes years, to pay it back.  You have no self-control, especially when it comes to money and a credit card is a TERRIBLE idea, no matter how good it will seem at the time.

Younger Angela, you will go through a lot of soul searching and make a giant fool of yourself in the coming years.  You will not be alone as others will also be doing the same as they figure themselves out.  Enjoy these years however, as you can get away with it because you are young.  You will still not have it all figured out by your late twenties but you will begin to understand that becoming who you will be is an ongoing process.  

Lastly, I want you to know two things: that you’re responsible for your own happiness, and that the things you think are earth shatteringly important usually aren’t.  The best and most important moments are those that happen on the sidelines, on the fuzzy edges of everything else.

Much love, 
The 27 year old version of yourself xx