Lately day to day things have been getting to me more than usual and I am having trouble finding ways to cope with them so they don't weigh me down. I have always been a person that thinks about things a lot, and I mean A LOT. I have trouble letting things go, thoughts play on my mind like a record on repeat. It gets so bad that at night I dream about it as a way of sorting it out, and my Sleep Cycle app on my phone can confirm I am losing sleep because of it. I am glad to have found the joy of writing, it's a tool I have found helpful in letting out the thoughts plaguing my mind. Blogging is a way of fielding opinions but also offers the chance to not have to censor your thoughts so you don't offend anyone. Face to face talk calls for tact and compassion where as writing to people who may never read your thoughts is therapeutic, you can say whatever you like and be completely honest with yourself more than anyone else.
Lately I have been doing some reading on star signs and in particular the characteristics of my birth sign, Pisces, that may explain why I am this way. Interestingly enough I am very much a true Pisces woman in all aspects of my personality. This is what I have learned about myself, if I didn't already know....
"Pisces women often sense and feel things which other less sensitive folk miss, sometimes making them seem more than a little psychic and mysterious at times. They often pick up on the subtle and unspoken, and are often skilled at subconsciously reading signals from others, such as body language. This powerful intuition can be applied in many directions, for example she may be an excellent emotional healer, a creative artist or an astute business woman.
Highly sympathetic, compassionate, self-sacrificing and unassuming, Pisces women are the most likely to absorb emotions from the environment around them, often becoming happy or depressed based on the mood of others. Due to this they often prefer the company of optimists over pessimists and this creates it's own set of problems, as optimists are generally far less sensitive and compassionate, traits which are equally important in the partner of a Pisces woman in their own ways.
Many Pisces discover that the best route to finding inner peace is to give to others, and in many respects this is the most generous and selfless sign. They tend to give a piece of themselves to anyone they care for, and often get a lot of satisfaction from helping others in general.
They think with their heart and not their head, tending to dislike confrontation or hurting others in any way, and often have difficulty saying no or leaving bad situations or relationships. They tend to always 'go with the flow' and friction of any kind drains their energy.
One side-effect of their combination of personality traits is sadly that Pisces is easily taken advantage of and manipulated by the uncaring or bossy. This can sometimes create a vicious cycle of lowered self worth and increased need for approval, typically from the very person who is bad for them. One of their greatest life lessons is to learn to be a little selfish, in order to better choose who deserves their help and love.
An idealist at heart, it's common for Pisceans to be attracted to drama, art, creativity or fantasy in an attempt to escape from the gritty reality and periodic disappointments of life. Due to the combination of these factors Pisces typically make attractive lovers to most other signs, though they are compatible with relatively few.
Deep within the Piscean beats the heart of the diehard romantic. Loving, tender, and exceptionally giving, this sign cherishes intimacy deeply. They are passionate lovers that need to feel a real connection with their mates. Quick flings and superficial interludes do not bide well for the Piscean whatsoever. In relationships, they are fiercely loyal and doting. They love to give gifts and to make the person in their life feel like a million dollars. Nothing is too good for the Piscean's love interest!
Gentle Pisceans make some of the best friends there are. In fact, they often put the needs of their friends ahead of their own. Loyal, dedicated, supportive and compassionate, no problem is too big for the Piscean to take on. Big or small, when a challenge arises for family or friend, they will be there in every capacity possible to make things better. Deeply intuitive, Pisceans can often sense when something is askew long before anything is said.
Sensitive, deeply compassionate, hardworking, dedicated and reliable, this is one sign that really knows how to get to the heart of the matter. They can be excellent problem solvers. For the most part, Pisceans don't give money too much thought. They are more concerned with their dreams and goals than with money. Yet, because this is often times a component to reaching their aspirations, the Piscean will ensure they have the money they need. They can be of two minds in this area. On one hand the Pisces will spend, spend, spend with little thought, and on the other hand they can become quite miserly. Yet, in the end there will always seem to be enough to do what they want in life."
(sourced from http://www.compatible-astrology.com/pisces-woman.html)
Yep the above is me in a nutshell, even down to the money bit and I am blown away by the accuracy of my zodiac sign. I have always been someone who feels emotions deeply and am often swayed by my heart rather then my head, this is why I have been disappointed so many times I guess, especially when it comes to relationships. Who needs to see a shrink when you can analyse yourself so easily by understanding the qualities that underpin your personality!
So I guess the outcome of this research is to realise that there is an explanation as to why I feel what I feel and in understanding myself better I can look to exploring avenues to cope with situations that prove challenging to me and not others.
My personal goal for this year is to understand me better, to feel more comfortable in my own skin and try not to let the opinions of others affect how I feel about myself. Joining the gym and somewhat making an effort to eat better has definitely made me feel happier with my appearance, still along way to go before I resemble Jennifer Aniston but I am determined! The last one will be by far the hardest to achieve and has already been challenging in recent weeks. When you put yourself out there for others to get to know you there is always the chance that something, whether a spoken word or an event, will provide them with an opinion of you that is untrue, however, the true test of whether they are worth it will be if they persist in getting to know the many other layers of you despite this false belief of who you are at the beginning. As they say, people are like onions (not stinky and hurt the eyes), but we have many layers to us, and until you take the time to remove the layers you will never get to the core.
I have a few suspicions as to the reason behind my recent uncertainty and with a little inward reflection and spilling it all out on paper I feel better already.
I'm a big motivational poster/sayings person, it helps me focus. Here's a few from recent times that helped cheer me up...
Take care & remember, you are enough,